Title: Visits To You
Characters: it's a surprise
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: Up to and including "Donut Run"
Author's Notes: As always, much love to storydivagirl for making my stuff readable. Also? I swear I have not completely lost my mind. I totally blame this on hormones.
Disclaimer: Don't own them, don't sue. Don't own the song either - that belongs to the wonderful Anthony Rapp.
visits to you
are suddenly new
and suddenly everything's sacred
I've been here before
will I be here again?
please tell me you'll never be taken
Duncan Kane thought that nothing could be worse than finding his sister’s broken and bloody body next to the pool.
The moment the limo pulled up the cliff and saw the school bus plummet over the edge, he knew he was wrong. He was grateful when Veronica showed up on the back of Weevil’s bike a few minutes later. At least he hadn’t lost her.
But he was surprised to realize how deep his feelings for Meg still were when he thought she was gone.
When the news came out that she was still alive, but in a coma, he was relieved. He felt like he was betraying Veronica, but he couldn’t stop visiting Meg. Her parents understandably hated him, but he found ways of sneaking in after hours. He would sit by her bedside for hours, holding her hand and talking to her. He must have apologized to her a thousand times for not loving her enough, for being stuck in trying to recreate the past.
He confessed to her that he wished he had stayed with her, because he wasn’t oblivious to the electric tension between Veronica and Logan. He made promises that if she would come back to him, he would end things with Veronica and they could be together again. They could be a family. She wouldn’t have to run away to live with her aunt. He would take care of her and the life they created together.
is this another time?
or is this the last time?
how much more time?
when will time take away my visits to you?
His heart beat in triple time every time he snuck into her room, terrified that he would find the bed empty and that he would have lost her and their child. He made sure to kiss her goodbye and tell her how much he loved her each time he left.
He was ashamed of himself for living a double life, for wanting a perfect life with Meg while still dating Veronica. But he knew that being with Veronica was a good cover. No one would possibly suspect the truth. A voice in his head that sounded oddly like Lilly occasionally chided him for his duplicity, but he justified it with the fact that he knew Veronica still had feelings for Logan and was using him as a way not to deal with them. Their relationship was dysfunctional on the inside, but was normal by all outward appearances.
living with this
holding your hand
knowing I'll have to let go soon
living right now
and right now and right now
knowing I'll soon be without you
As the months passed, Duncan’s feelings grew more conflicted. The baby was developing and thriving, which made him happy, but Meg had shown no signs of ever coming out of her coma. He knew her parents were talking about pulling the plug after the baby was delivered. He wished he had done things differently.
If he hadn’t left Meg, she wouldn’t have been on the bus and she wouldn’t be in the coma now. If he hadn’t left her, they would be living together and happily planning for the arrival of their baby. They could’ve left Neptune, made a life for themselves somewhere else. They could’ve started over where no one knew them and given their baby a chance at a normal childhood.
is this another time?
or is this the last time?
how much more time?
when will time take away my visits to you?
Duncan didn’t know why he thought he could keep his secret forever, especially not with Veronica Mars as his girlfriend. He had to hand it to her, she was convincing when she railed at him for keeping secrets and accused him of trying to destroy their relationship. He wanted to yell back, remind her that their relationship was a farce for both of them. He wanted to tell her to go back to Logan, since he knew that was who she truly wanted, but he had been making plans and he would need her if they were going to work.
So he consoled her and apologized and insisted that he only felt an obligation to his baby and that his feelings for Meg weren’t anything compared to his feelings for her. It wasn’t a lie. He was able to love Meg in a way he’d never been able to love Veronica. Meg didn’t hold a piece of herself in reserve the way Veronica did.
and when you go where you're going
where will you be going?
I know I'll keep going
on my visits to you
After Meg’s death, Duncan approached Veronica about his plans. She jumped on it and started helping him set things in motion. There were moments when he wanted to call her on her eagerness to have him out of her life, call her on the jealous looks she tried to hide when she found Kendall with Logan. But he had to bite his tongue if he wanted this to work. The fact that he’d heard Logan talking in his sleep, declaring his love for Veronica, helped him get over the slight guilt he felt about stringing her along for so long. He knew it would only be a matter of time before they were back together after he left.
Everything went off without a hitch, not that Duncan was surprised. It never ceased to amaze him what money could buy.
He sat in the truck, cradling his baby and smiling at his success. They pulled up to the house and she was in the doorway waiting for them.
She broke down in tears when he handed her the baby. He held them both.
“I told you we were going to be a family,” he whispered. “I’ll never leave you again, Meg.”
~fin~